“i miss the innocence of being a child” she said.
i thought that too, as we walked along the jaded pavement
my eyes flicked down to my half-tied converse, listening to the steps i took down the sleeping road
walking in silence, yet comforted by the presence of thought
remembering the warm times with family
the times that we sometime hold on to forever
that will bring smiles to our faces when we are distraught with dark times
it’s funny though, how different a world can seem
as the tickling palms whispered to each other that canopied above B and me
“i’m glad to be out of the cold weather” i said
as the dreary gray sky at home hovered my mind
but the sky here flickered and shined
but at the same time
it felt as if the clouds were building into a storm
and i couldn’t stop
wishing for her to be alright
longing for her to find the light
praying for her to fight the fight
loving her till she’s right
because i too
know what it feels like to fight
Sometimes I’m really angry about the characteristics humanity withholds. As animals, it is in our biological nature to seek companionship, connection, and love. We are genetically wired to find and obtain connection amongst those we encounter. We grow from these interactions. We learn. We love.
Sometimes these connections sink deep into the heart. Too deep sometimes. We hold on to the little encounters: a smile, a touch of the hand, a kiss on the cheek. We are alive because of connection. It is the center and source of our energy, our hope, our desire.
How can something as delicate as connection be apart of something so fragile? The one thing that binds our hearts together can also tear that bind a part. We are powerless. We mourn in tears. Reminisce and ponder the memories that once made us feel alive. We re-live, re-capture, we cry. We want the connection to last forever. But we can’t grasp the connection. We try to hold on but can’t. It’s only an invisible binding that holds us together. Thriving at the core.
I’m sitting on my bed motionless, powerless. Staring at the ceiling, pondering the memories that will forever remain in the chamber of the mind, hoping they will shed their eternal light into heart, clearing away tears and jaded eyes.
I’m angry that you can’t bring people back. Not for one last good bye and one more favorite meal. For a chance to say ‘thank you’ once more. To say I love you.
But that is what we do. We give life. We live. We form connections. Bind and sever ties. We grow. We fall. We learn. We are human, a delicate creature, biologically wired to live and to master our talents and strengths. To love and to be loved.
It’s who we are. We are the strongest of them all.
In memory of Papa. 5/03/1929 – 11/09/2015
Tonight the darkness entrances her, leaving her veins filled with cold blood and heavy arms.
Her thoughts crossed over each other daringly, sending shivers through her skin and making her hair erect and aware; convincing her more and more of the things she should never believe but almost does. The only thing she can see is her morphed shadow stretched ahead of her, accompanied by the jittery streets filled with weary laughter and endless chatter, listening to the racing engines as the headlights blind her teary eyes.
She can only hear her jaded feet hit the cracked cement, yet her toes keep pressing deep into shoe and she trails on.
She keeps walking into the night, blanketed by a dark sky filled with mystery as the cool wind pushes her on like tumbleweed.